The Final Chapter SNEAK PEEK!(Part 1)
YES! The day has come… I have completed the final chapter of my book. I will now begin the process of refining, editing and then of course PUBLISHING. (Excuse the shouting, I’m very excited for this day.) Before I dive in and provide you with a sneak peek into the last chapter I wanted to share a short lesson with you. When I first started writing this book, I didn’t know where it was going to take me. It was just one of those things where I decided I was going to do something, and being the stubborn person I am, I jumped in. I threw all caution to the wind, prayed that nobody would hate me by the end and I put my heart and soul…well…online. For the world to see. The more excited I became for this project, and the more passion I spoke with, the more positive reactions I received. I have had people who I’ve known for years and shared maybe 5 conversations with approach me and tell me they are so grateful I am sharing my story and in turn they share their story with me. This has been the very beginning of an amazing journey and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for my history. I am so grateful to all of you who have made this important by reading it or sharing experiences or sharing blog posts…I am so glad you are here. Okay okay…enough mushy. On with THE SNEAK PEEK!! Enjoy….
“… The hospital seemed like a maze and it took me several minutes to get on the right elevator, which was fine with me. I was in no hurry to accept reality.
When I walked into the hospital room I purposefully looked past the object in the middle of the room. I knew it was a bed with a dying woman in it but I wasn’t ready to look. I noticed my grandmother in the corner crying and Morgan in a chair by the window that overlooked an old rusty roof. I nodded to both of them, took a deep breath and approached the bed. I suddenly lost all composure. I began sobbing and shaking. I couldn’t stop. A flood, years, worth of emotion finally escaped my iron clad heart. I bent over and let the bed support my weight. Everything suddenly became real; and awful. I had wished this woman away so many times. Hell, a month prior I had left it on her voicemail…more than once…in a not very polite manner. Now here I stood begging, pleading with her to wake-up.
Of course all of this was taking place inside me, inside my head. I could never admit my shame or thoguhts to anyone in this room. Here I am, still trying to keep up a facade. Isn’t it funny how some habits are ingrained so deep?
After talking with the doctors I learned she had a hemoraghic stroke, a debilitating stroke. She laid on the floor bleeding into her brain for two hours before someone found her and could get help. The swelling was so bad her brain had shifted an inch and pieces of her brain had begun to die. Think about that… I asked the doctor to repeat that line. Pieces of her brain were dying off from damage. At this moment I realize it’s worse than I thought and I find it hard to breath. Everything is so surreal and I feel like it’s a dream or I’m on a televsision show…so I begin making decisions and saying things based on how it will look in the rerun. I fade in and out of conscience thoguht and finally decide to take a seat in the corner. My pacing seems to be making everyone else in the room nervous. My coping mechanisms have kicked in and are completely freaking me out.
I sit and stare at my mother. She looks good, I think.Her nails are painted a pretty shade of hot pink, she has a golden tan all over and she is swollen so she isn’t the emaciated figure I remember her to be…”
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2….COMING SOON!!
Wow… that just brought it all back. As I have said before we cannot choose the people our family become but we can choose who we become. Love you sis.